The Universe - Jan 25, 2007

Permission, Romulo, is what you give yourself.
I give you everything else.
The Universe

And there's no need to dally, Romulo... your chariot awaits. Chariots, actually, your assistant here insisted you'd want one for every day of the week... Assistants, actually.

Buddy, I still rememeber what you wrote yesterday and how I have been feeling about my whole reality since I am back home. I told you them that I still believe in miracle. This one for one is the most important daily miracle that keeps recurring every day. To be able to have a direct and clear communication with you.

Now, the miracle that materialize last night when I called him back after he call me to say good bye is one that has major precedent in my life at this moment.

I know some who you were able to understan my message. By saying thank you at the end and me answering the way I did, speachless. It is a proof that you were able to make things out of the crazy things I say most of the time and for which people has been very open to express their dislike of me being that way. Most of them have expressed in ways of how much they dislike that in me that have accused me of doing it to hurt or anoying fellow human beings.

I was clear and frmed in PT when I told a dear friend that the last thing in my mind is to cause pain or disconfort on otheres. I even used my skli buddies as an example on how they are able to accept me after a week of having me 24x7. I can recall that time when they could not say good bye to me in Houston on this last time when Milton kept calling me to check on me. I am glad that dear friend has seemed the whole issue from this point of view and now he is a major player in helping grow in all aspect of my life.

But talking to you last night brought back memories of events that you did not or were not clear to you since you were so young. I sort of felt bad that you might have noticed a little resentment when I wastelling you that for the little love he was willing to give me I sacrify myself to the pointof putting my life in danger and he showin not sign of concern on his part. probably is that though that a father should lovehis son uncondictional and the song do as well toward the father. But in reality, I can see things more clear now since we talked. I acknowledge why I was not able to fullfill my part in my last trip to Venezuela.

He is my fathe for a reason. Like I told you those event in my life very crucial and impirtnat in molding the person that I am now. I was honest when I told you that I look back with nostalgy. They were hard years but I look at all I have beacsue of them and the things I experienced that make me keep them close to my heart.

But in reality I shouold not have and I do npt have for that matter resement to him since he is my father because that was the only way I could experienced those years. I might sound with resement at times but it is for me lacking acceptance that I was probably his lesson and that he did not assimilated at this time since I see the same things I wet through reapeating with you and him. But not accepting that fact in him does not justify me having any resement.

You see he was my lesson then and I strted this jurney where I find myself. Neverthless, so far in this jurney, I have been guilty of not beong able to pratice what I laerned back them. I still begging for the little love that some how I force an individual to give me by me showering him or her with praises and at times sacrifying myself. All beacsue clearly I want to be accepted at all cost. This put a lot of presure on the other party since they found themselve kind of obligated to accept me because of my behaviour when is clear that they dislike some of my behaviour when I am being me. This build resement of course and at some point they exploit like in this case of this 2 comments that I have in my blog which are not public because I respect they were written to me and not to you. But in i you can tell that for some time this person was not happy having around and thought at times to stop talking to me.

It is funny. I remember now that I said good bye in both occasion with the same prhase and thought "I need to go home to work in putting my life back together and look within me to see what is that I am doing that I keep having the same experience repeating over and over again. I was not angry even thought that is how I was approached in both times "are you still mad" Being mad was the least thing to cross my mind. This friend in PT can testify to the fact that I have a third for knoweldge so big that is more about learning than being mad.

In Both case I have to thank them for the contribution to my life and helping model the person that I am now and would be in the future by being my lesson. Since we live in the dimesnion where all is relative to soemthing else. I can only say that I might have been their lesson too. And I better respect the fact that they my have fail to learn it with me and keep on engaging on same behaviour, reason why you end up in Noth Caroline a few days back. I would be a hypocrate if I do not practice acceptance. By it is clear that being just me, intense, complex, loud, egocentry and so many more I have been told in the past is not accpetable reason why we should acknowledge that we come into each other life for a reason now we should probably depart since keep trying goes against our own nature.

I am glad the way you and I said good bye. You said thanks which now I know is beacuse you got the message. And me telling you to get read to go skiing with me this summer in Chile. So be ready for that trip 2nd week of July to 3rd week of Aug. I will teach you how to ski. You will see that in now time we will be raising each other down hill just like I dod with my ski buddies. So be ready for a week of skiing and anything else you want to do in Chile.

Love you both - Buddy for the anoucing that a miracle was coming and you for its deliverances.

I am home again - below is the link to my first production on this year which is the signal that I am coming back. I recomend you dowload it to PC instead of running it from site.


http://200612.analyticsdoneright.com/index_files/Lost_in_Space.pps