to change absolutely everything, is think differently

Buddy, that I know. I would never change this weekend in Mexico for anything in life. I would never change the fact that I am a total different person that I was before. That I can not be that consultant that travel around the world, making that much money but not leaving anything behind for which he can feel free proud.

Yes, I like to have a client right now. Yes, I have been thinking that the kind of client that I would like to have again is another Wirlpool. That is what I have been thinking all along since I left Detroit. I could not continue in the Detroit project. It was like working in another consulting firm or Siebel for that matter. Therefore, I am honest to recruiters, staffing company and consulting firm when I tell them that if the client is not in the same frame of mind like Whirlpool was, there is little value I can bring to a project. The best case was CGI in Boston. I was honest to the guy. But he and his firm had in mind to staff 6 consultant in the project. No way, we needed half of that from client staf to be successful in first phase and show value. I remember him telling me that he think working with a company with that frame of mind, him and I were able to change things around and be successfull. I think I heard that before from the same firm in Canada. No wonder they asked Siebel not to send me back.

I know what it takes to be successful at this. I know that requires to follow a methodology and for client to take ownership of project. To have or perform less than what I just mentioned is asking for trouble and setting myself for failure.

I am throughing out there all the good energy. I recall the circustance in which I got Whirlpool. I keep telling myself that another Whirlpool will show up. I know there are more Whirlpools than these other kind of cases for which I want to stay away. I know I just need to find the way to get the middle man out of the way. Cleint in Boston wanted me and felt confortable with me as I did with them. It was the interest of CGI to staffed 8 consultants. Where do they get this idea that they need 8. What methodology are they following? I can recall all my sources and what I based my road map. Now where does CGI comes with that number and how or what start schemas to implement first?

I was not judging you if you ever read this. I try as carefull as I could to make a point. But like I told the my buddy "when the student is ready, the teacher will apear" I have not problem having a superficial relationship with you. I would not make the channel in which we met responsible for it. Because to me it seems what you want and I would not and have not right to change that. But in the future, I think is best if we stay away from comparing one's life with the otherone's. You were right in telling me that I am lucky. I feel and I am lucky. I just did not like the context of your statement and I was honest communicating that to you. But you turned it around and thought I was judging. So less stay way from the cause of my reaction and you thinking I judge you because I do not. I care less what you do. Honestly, I have not answer not I will answer your note because you missed completly the point and I am at the end of the rope. If you decide not to speak to me ever again. At least it would be refreshing since this time is you and not me the one that comes to such conclusion. This will tell me that I have learned my lesson. I can keep going from now on with my mind clear that I was indeferent to what someone thought or did to me. That I offer my love uncondictional and I found in return ideferences or taken the wrong way or what ever you want to call it but one thing I know it is not love in return but that is not the point because I gave mine no matter what.

I do want to change things. I want good energy coming to me. I want people who make contribution in my life as I make in theirs. I miss Mark. I want that kind of people to come my way again. I want another Whirlpool. I want to make valuable contributions to projects as well as people life. Guess what I want the same in return. I want the kind of frame like the one I had in which we could spend the whole night disucssing a subject not matter is the subject was me and a short coming that needed to fix. that is a contribution. Because it was on a Sunday afternoom more than 3 years ago, that I was given the key to open every door of the Universe and the only one present who thought I was being read by my friends is a person that I never thought he was at the same level of these friends. Never undesrtood why he was part of that group.

Buddy, you know this is me telling it like it is but still with my heart full of love. I know you know that.